Something that I've been learning and relearning lately, put very eloquently and boldly for me in a sentence from an article I read: "If I am more concerned about what another human thinks of me than I am about what God thinks, it is idolatry, pure and simple." How true it is. Yet, despite all my Sunday School knowledge, I hadn't come to this stark realization until I started going for Christian prayer counselling.
After several years of struggling with my identity, my feelings and emotions, my talents and gifts, my purpose and direction in life, my wants, my dreams, my hopes...I reached a point where I was utterly confused and battered by life. I felt like I had hit rock bottom, was drowning, boxed in a room, I felt like my heart, mind and soul were going to "explode" into a million pieces. I knew that if I didn't seek out help, I would have an emotional breakdown soon.
Late last year, I turned to Barnabas House, a Christian prayer counselling ministry. It has been a God-send to be able to talk to a trained pastor in counselling, trained to help people through all kinds of problems and situations, but also sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading. I talk about my thoughts, we delve into the feelings I have about a situation, examine negative conclusions I've come to about myself because of the feelings, figure out deeper issues from my past, and then ask God what He wants to bring to my mind. When something can be worked out, we do that. If it can't be worked out, we put it at the foot of the cross and let Christ take on the burden.
It has been an eye-opening experience to discover so much more about myself that I never knew. I've got issues in my life that I didn't realize I had. I am also learning that feelings and emotions are God-given, they need to be acknowledged and brought into the light of Christ, not buried deep inside me. I've allowed myself to be defined by everyone else except my Saviour. God has been speaking to me in many ways but I've ignored or missed it, because I was too busy or entered into times of solitude and silence.
I am thankful that He reaches out to me, even when I am not reaching out to Him. I know now, and He knew all along, that deep in my heart, I yearn for a closer relationship with Him every day.
(my thoughts back in March)
After several years of struggling with my identity, my feelings and emotions, my talents and gifts, my purpose and direction in life, my wants, my dreams, my hopes...I reached a point where I was utterly confused and battered by life. I felt like I had hit rock bottom, was drowning, boxed in a room, I felt like my heart, mind and soul were going to "explode" into a million pieces. I knew that if I didn't seek out help, I would have an emotional breakdown soon.
Late last year, I turned to Barnabas House, a Christian prayer counselling ministry. It has been a God-send to be able to talk to a trained pastor in counselling, trained to help people through all kinds of problems and situations, but also sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading. I talk about my thoughts, we delve into the feelings I have about a situation, examine negative conclusions I've come to about myself because of the feelings, figure out deeper issues from my past, and then ask God what He wants to bring to my mind. When something can be worked out, we do that. If it can't be worked out, we put it at the foot of the cross and let Christ take on the burden.
It has been an eye-opening experience to discover so much more about myself that I never knew. I've got issues in my life that I didn't realize I had. I am also learning that feelings and emotions are God-given, they need to be acknowledged and brought into the light of Christ, not buried deep inside me. I've allowed myself to be defined by everyone else except my Saviour. God has been speaking to me in many ways but I've ignored or missed it, because I was too busy or entered into times of solitude and silence.
I am thankful that He reaches out to me, even when I am not reaching out to Him. I know now, and He knew all along, that deep in my heart, I yearn for a closer relationship with Him every day.
(my thoughts back in March)
posted by clara at
12:25 a.m.
